Today has been an emotional day. Call it crazy pregnancy
hormones. Call it stress or anxiety, but either way, I've cried numerous times
at, well, nothing. This next week holds a lot of exciting happenings. Tuesday I’ll
get to see my sweet little one and they will, hopefully, be able to tell me
whether he or she is a he or she. Friday is the day I have been waiting for
since March 3—the day my husband is officially a sailor, the day he’s in my
arms again, and the day we will find out, together, if we are welcoming a son
or daughter. It breaks my heart to think we may only have a few hours together
that day before he flies out to Pensacola, but I will take any time I can get
with him.
Some have questioned my decision
to move to Pensacola, even before I was pregnant. And some have said being
pregnant is an even bigger reason to NOT move away—which makes zero sense,
considering staying would mean he would miss the birth of his child. Won’t it
be hard, being away from family? You can’t work because you’re pregnant, how
will you afford housing? He can’t live with you. It’s only six months; it’s
pointless to even go down there. You’ll get lonely. He’s going to be too busy
to see you. I've heard it all, from those who are just looking out for me to
some who have actually done this very thing. There is one very simple explanation
for why I am going to move.
He.
Is.
There.
I will do what I have to do to be with my
husband, wherever he is, whether it’s for six months or sixty years. Simple as
that. There was a brief moment when we were unsure of the duration of his A school;
we thought it may only be two months (the issue was cleared up, no worries). Did
that change my mind? Did the thought of packing up and moving hundreds of miles
away, just to pack up and move again in two months, make me question whether or
not it was a good idea or even worth it? No. Because I will do anything to be
with him.
Yes, it’s going to be difficult
being far from family. No, I don’t know if I will be able to work or not. No,
we will not be able to live together. Yes, it will get lonely. Yes, there may
be times when he is too busy to be around for a day or more. But have any of
these things swayed my decision in the least? No. When we signed up for a
military lifestyle, we already knew all of those things were going to play a
role in this new adventure. It’s the military. It’s unexpected, unpredictable,
and quite often uncertain.
I’m not naïve to the fact that it’s
going to be different and it’s going to be hard. These last few weeks have been
stressful, emotional, and some days, completely unbearable, and I know this
will not be the last time he’s gone, nor is this the longest stretch of time he
will be gone. But I've made it through this and I will make it through the
other times. Because that’s what you do for love. You fight for it, even if it
seems pointless. You make it work, even when it’s hard. You find a way. Even
when every path seems daunting, covered with thorns, and you can plainly see
those who've tried and failed.
Picture this: you fall in love so
hard and so fast with the most amazing person you have ever met, and then think
you will never have him. You spend a year without that person being in your
life, yet still thinking about them every single day, when suddenly, there he
is again. After a long year of not being together, all you want is to be
together, all the time, no matter what. Fast forward almost four years, and the
love that began at a silly church party is strong and growing every second.
Marriage, baby on the way, new adventures on the horizon. And still, all you
want is to be together, all the time, no matter what.
Some laugh at us because we are so
lovey-dovey, mushy, or whatever you want to call it. I write to him every single
day. I keep pictures of him in my purse. I sleep wearing his sweatshirt and with
his old teddy bear. Tell me, why is any of that a bad thing? Why is it silly or
embarrassing or even inappropriate to kiss each other or hold hands or stare
longingly into each other’s eyes when we’re around other people? Why can’t we
still act like newlyweds when we’re not? Why can’t we be in the honeymoon stage
after years of being together?
Everyone experiences love
differently, and I’m sorry that some think ours is ridiculous because it’s
really quite magical.
Well, there you have it. Whether
you questioned my decisions or could have cared less. Whether you agree or disagree
with them. Whether you think I’m so strong or completely stupid. I am doing
what my husband and I have decided on, what I think is best for us as husband
and wife/mommy-and-daddy-to-be.
<3
